Now that my dog and I are done chasing squirrels, and it's too cold for him to harass white swans in the waters of the ultra-polluted lake Ontario (which requires a mandatory shampoo bath, as he absorbs the delightful smells of rotten algae, sewage, and god-knows-what-else), I'm trying to decide whether to attend church tonight.

Evening services are more serene, because, as opposed to Sundays, hordes of new Russians wearing cheap Turkish leather jackets and massive bling-bling slavic-style (they must find think their gold matches the icons) are out socializing; they are also shorter, as standing around for two hours in a non-airconditioned-heated-by-hundreds-of-candles sacred space doesn't feel all that spiritual.

I also skipped last week's service due to attending a rather laughable Russian "festival", where teenage female attendees deemed it necessary to be clad like hookers, with approving parents gazing tenderly at their liberated offspring nearby. (Russian goths looked classic as well - black lipstick is NOT supposed to stain your teeth, boys, unless you are going for an authentic medieval look. Your hygene certainly pointed in that direction.... ;)) At least I bought some decently priced DVD's.

I apologize for cutting this short, dear diary, but I just realized that I'm almost out of my beloved sour green apples. The situation must be resolved at once!